whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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