She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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