allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
