Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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