and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
