Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Michael Bay diarrhea
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
