Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
