I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
