Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
