they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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