you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize