She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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