Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
