The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
