I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
