She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize