If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
