she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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