I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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