I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
