Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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