If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
