12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
