And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
