I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so let's talk penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
two words...techno handjob
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
