I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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