I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just cut my nipple shaving
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
