belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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