i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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