no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.