and you said cock pushups were impossible
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
