My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
