I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.