my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize