So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
