your parents love me but you hate me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
