There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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