I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
