Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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