i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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