just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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