Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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