why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
