He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize