Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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