My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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