i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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