But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
