I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
