i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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