My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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