You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
