Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
