peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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