There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
