Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
