I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
