I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
