yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
