bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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