Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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