She said her name was "party"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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