I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
