He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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