i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
