I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
