at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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