Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
