Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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