Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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