id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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