someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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