so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
