I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
