My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
